Page 35-Ponder: Weigh in the mind

I have this bad habit of thinking too much, analyzing to a point where I will give myself a migraine. If anyone doubts this is possible, then they should check out my CVS bill for Tylenol. Every night is such a barrier to overcome, I know I need to sleep, but I don’t want to because I am afraid that my nightmares might come back. I feel like yelling and crying, but I honestly can’t even shed a single tear. I don’t know how to explain how I feel other than heartless. My past is haunting me and it seems that all my misery and my writing is all because of him. Him as in the one who took my innocence, ok, I need to stop because this is upsetting me now.

: Questioning At Night:

Ever feel like crying
But the tears wouldn’t fall from your eyes?
Ever feel like dying
And you actually knew why?

Can you remember your youth
The innocence of it all?
Remember the good times
And not all the downfalls?

My eyes were opened to the world
And now they are closed
Invisible I am
Willingly admitting to
Not wanting this Earth

Misrepresented
And
Misunderstood

Opening my eyes
Could have caused dispute
But I always will try
Because that is apart myself

Not one easily to give up
Even if they said I would lose
I didn’t expect this
Yet it came to me

My fears were let out
My name
My dignity
Desolated
All because a mistake I had made
In result
I am being destroyed



I have become aloof
Knowing why
It’s happening so soon
I am so confused
Changing my mood
Causing me sadness
For this the truth

Ever felt down
Feeling empty inside?
For this is all I have come to know
My heart just beats slow
Every beat I’m feeling pain
Every beat makes me think
Every thought is so deep
Causing my hands to shake
As my heart slowly dissipates

Formed from sadness
Caused by the evils of this world
Painful rhythms of my heart
Are making me want to go

My body begins to tremble
I take one single blink
As my eyes form their tears
A puddle appears

In front of me as I lay
The puddle is red
My eyes open wide
As I look down in dread

For my heart has been bleeding
And I know it’s too late
As my heart takes it’s last beat
My whole life went away