Page 96-Foreshadowing: Hint or suggest beforehand

As if I want to live a miserable life, do I? I think not, I feel like there is so much pressure on me, I feel like no one understands me anymore. I want to explore this world to the depths of the ocean, to the highest utmost point; I want to look at every star in the skies above. I want to love without shame, I want to love without pain, and I want to give without losing so much, so much of myself. I feel like I’m alone, I feel like God has abandoned me for some times to discover him again, and again. I don’t know why God would be doing this and I don’t know why I would be feeling this, but I feel it and I wish I didn’t. I consider myself religious; I just wish I felt loved. It’s funny and quite sad how much pain I have experienced in such a short period of time. I no longer feel sorry for myself, but I feel stronger knowing that I’m not going to let it happen again, never again. I love life, I really do, but I think what I love about it is what I can give to others. I think by me giving others hope and happiness, it makes me love life even more. I felt last week my world was crashing down, I figured out what I want to do in my life. I feel like spending the night under the stars. I want to just think and gaze forever. I remember when I was little I used to wish so hard on the stars thinking that it was God up there. It’s funny now because I still wish so hard and I still think God is up there. I know things happen for a reason, I know one is supposed to learn from there own mistakes, but I hope that I don’t make any more mistakes. I don’t want to be in a relationship because it hurts. I don’t want to get married, I don’t want to love and lose any more. I may sound like I’m going far out on this, but I’m more serious than ever. I’m officially broken and repairing myself everyday. I wish sometimes, God would give me a sign, give me a sign to tell me what I need to do with my life, who I need to see, who my real friends are…