Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Page 88-Overcome: Defeat

I really feel that God looks after me in many ways and he warns me through my own writing. I wrote this poem before I had discovered that he was just using me, it’s scary to read it now because this is exactly how he has made me feel. It’s like I knew this was coming, but didn’t want to see it. How could I of thought I could actually be happy with someone, who was I kidding? The day before Valentines Day, one phone call saying, “we should just be friends” has caused me so many tears and has obviously made him content. I can’t concentrate on anything, I can’t eat, I just write, it’s a constant flow, just like the rain outside.

Executing my soul
Shooting off in a retrograde motion
I have regained my sight

My heart, frozen through time
No numbing needed
For there’s no longer blood to revive me
I am drained, fully

I have not been able to heal myself
The tunes of the violins drown my voice
I am in the wrong
But who can say I am not
When I no longer trust anyone?

The cords play when I sleep
I fall deep as the sharp pains stab into my sides
The sounds are no longer soothing

My motion: Restless
The constellations of the celestial sphere become apart of me
They are my blankets

For I no longer am reaching
I am covered with these scars
No surgery to cover them
They are infected by hatred
And I am infected with regret

Looked upon by a telescope
I was the target of destruction
I was destroyed and forgotten
And now this artificial device has executed my soul
As the rain distorts my image
The rain falls into the night

For this is the story
Protracting with the astronomical instruments that have been given
The moon arises
This is my demise

My heart, lifeless
Yet I am breathing into the night
Surrounding myself with the colors of the rain

The dominant color was red
For that is the color my heart needed
The color represents the oxygen my lungs had bled
I have no love to revive me
This day is just a lie to me
Happy Valentines Day

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