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January 2005

I don’t feel like writing in my journal about this with my handwriting because I will make myself even sicker than I already feel, I don’t see the purpose of these dreams and these panic attacks, I really don’t. I am so sad now and I wish I could never sleep again. I can’t mess up things this year; I’ve already let it take control of me for this long. I’ve been carrying this burden for two years now and I don’t understand why this is all happening again. What is my purpose? What is the reason behind all this chaos that I have to deal with at such a serene and fragile state? I can’t let myself slip again.