Page 91

: My Plead:

I did nothing to defy you, yet you don’t trust me. How ironically unpleasant?

Your term of friendship has a different meaning; you still try to be with me in other ways, yet you still don’t want anything. I’m trying to get over him, I’m trying so hard to get over this feeling of anger.

“ I didn’t want to try” you had said
There’s nothing to even try for
I still have no closure.
My minds so confused
I still want you
What’s wrong with me?
I shouldn’t want anything
You hurt me.

The other day
Someone told me that women liked pain
I had replied:
What a disturbing thing to say
It’s not the pain that succumbs them to men
Or what reels them in
It is when we let them in
As for I
I am in deep already
And it will be March starting next Tuesday

My journal
My entrees
The lines that keep my words straight
These pages are an expression of what I don’t need

I can’t help how I feel
I try to limit myself
But once I hear your voice
I am drawn in once again
Like fish on bate
And then the after effects kick in

My comfort are these pages
Because of him
I am writing this

I tuned myself out today
I entered another world
And today he told me about the other girls

These girls who took part in our ruin
These people who find me magnetic
I sometimes wonder if he realizes that they all lie
But I have to stop proving myself
I just have to ignore it…again
And again
For pretending has become my second nature
For now I have to act as if I don’t know anything
I have to come into terms finally
That he was with someone else last week
It wasn’t me
And that he lied to me
His own friend told me

I have to separate him from everything
Until he is just a forgotten memory
I need to do this for me
This feeling isn’t healthy