Page 82

January 2005

He left to go out of town. I had another panic attack, this time I ended up taking out my aggravation with the alcohol my friend had left over the other night. It’s not like I don’t know the problem won’t go away when I wake up the next day. It’s the few hours of not remembering what happened is my main purpose behind this intoxicated feeling. I called him up when I was completely out of it, but I told him I missed him and all the things people usually say when you care about them. I find myself thinking how all this came together, but I try not to think about it too much, because things are actually going pretty well. I wish I could talk to him about what I am going through, but then again, I don’t trust him completely yet. I wrote this that night while I was intoxicated; don’t ask me how, but somehow I managed to do it.

Transcend:

I believe I will never change, for I have become who I always have wanted to become. Now I look back and I think that the discipline of errors have marked a lining across my heart and stirred my mind into what it has developed into currently. For a mind is more powerful than a heart, regardless of what anyone may say. This is one of my many analytical theories, for this is what the world can read, absorb, mold and feel. These are not only letters, these are the letters stained with what we need to live, for they are stained with the blood that runs through your body.