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February 2005

I don’t know how I feel anymore. I don’t know why I feel so confused lately, I think it’s because of my past effecting me again, I just don’t know. My emotions are tied with the black string that has strangled my emotions to demise. Sadly I am admitting it, that I am torn with resent, but there haven’t been any nightmares of him to forewarn me. I don’t know if I should talk to him about how I feel though. Lately things have been really different. I just feel really blah around him; nothing special and I guess I don’t like that feeling because you know who used to make me feel that way. It hurts and I feel like crying right now just thinking about it. Its sad because its so minor and miniscule, but I guess I just never felt appreciated. The things he says now are causing me to think he’s really not what he had portrayed himself to be in the beginning. I’m really scared right now and I just don’t like feeling this way, I don’t know what to do.